Self -Concept in romantic and professional relationships (an essay)

For Everyone

After a month long break, I'm back with more findings from my studies. For this blog blog post, we will focus on the more philosophical and psychological aspects of 'self-conept'.

What is Self-Concept?

Human interaction is a complex concept that involves many components from self, environment, to upbringing and more. Self-concept plays a crucial role in interpersonal communication, has a multifaceted nature and is sculpted by the interplay of gender, family, and culture. Simultaneously, drawing upon the insights of McCornack and Steven, this essay examines the lifelong process of gender socialization and its profound impact on our personal development. From the nurturing arms of family to the broad strokes of cultural influences, we uncover the layers that contribute to our self-esteem and attachment styles. As people navigate the public and private arenas of their lives, Goffman’s notions of ‘front stage’ and ‘backstage’ selves, aid the reflection of recognizing the fluidity of our identities across different social landscapes. Self-concept, public and private self, faith, and modernity all play a role in determining interpersonal communication styles.

Self-Concept is the image, idea, or understanding we have of ourselves.  According to McCornack and Steven in their 2022 Reflect and Relate book, the ‘self’ is heavily influenced by outside sources such as gender, family, and culture.

“The gender we are born with influences many of the characteristics we acquire, learn, or develop during our childhood. Immediately after birth, we begin a lifelong process of gender socialization. This process may encourage binary—and sometimes stereotypical—distinctions by which we learn from others what it means personally, interpersonally, and culturally to be “male” or “female” (McCornack and Steven, 2022).

Our family not only shows us how to act like a boy or a girl, they also teach us what to believe in, what values we should have, and give us our level of dependance on others. For example, if a child is very pampered and their caregiver constantly runs to their aid, that child might form higher levels of dependence on the people around them versus a child who is taught to fend for itself or even neglected. How we are attended to during our childhood may results one of the 4 levels of attachment (Dismissive, fearful, preoccupied, or secure attachment) and it can severely impact our self-esteem. However, culture also plays a huge role in defining self. McCornack and Steven point out that culture is composed of race, ethnicity, nationality, and religion. “If this strikes you as similar to our definition of self-concept, you’re right; culture is like a collective sense of self shared by a large group of people.” (McCornick and Steven, 2024).

We all have a Public self and a private self, or ‘front stage’ and ‘backstage’ as Ervin Goffman described it. Our private self is the ‘us’ our close friends, family, and romantic partners usually get to interact with. Meanwhile, our public self is the one most people at the workplace, events, and stagers get to see. “Running through this perspective is a recognition that social interaction is influenced by the time and place in which it occurs as well as by the "audience" present to witness it. It is also determined by the values, norms, beliefs, and common cultural practices of the social group or the locale where it occurs.” (Cole, 2021).

Hence, self-concept encompasses a wide range of aspects that shape how we see ourselves. The way we think ourselves influences how we form, maintain, and end relationships. There is a study by students in Monmouth University, New Jersey that explores the impact and the role of self-concept clarity (how confident we are in our identity, everything discussed above) in the quality of romantic relationships. The results of their first study conclude “there was a significant association between self-concept clarity and relationship satisfaction and commitment such that those with high self-concept clarity were more likely to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and commitment” (Lewandowski et. al., 2010). Similarly, work relationships are affected by our self-concept. Using Lewandowki’s findings, both in the workplace and in romantic relationships, those with higher self-concept clarity are more consistent with their behavior across situations and have the ability to ‘stay true to themselves’. This is mainly because the discrepancy between their ideal-self and their actual-self is not disproportionate. Meaning, they have a better understanding of who they are, and they do not get caught up in who they should be or who they wish they could be.

Faith is an integral part of our self-concept; it is deeply rooted in our cultural upbringing and experiences. Religion, in many ways, shapes our values, morals, and perspectives. It influences how we perceive and interact with the world around us. As Baldwin (2024) eloquently puts it in her article Personhood, Personal Identity, and Christianity:

“Our worldviews come from our ground motives – that is our fundamental motivations for acting in this world. Our ground motives are ultimately determined by our religious commitments.”

Baldwin delves into the concept of shared identity within a religious or belief-based community. She highlights that beliefs and religion form a common thread that binds a group of people together. This shared identity is not exclusive to theists; even atheists form communities based on their shared belief in the absence of a God. Sharing beliefs or religious affiliations often leads to a sense of camaraderie and mutual understanding. It provides a common ground that facilitates connection and communication, thereby fostering stronger and more enduring relationships. Shared beliefs act as a bridge, enabling us to relate to others on a deeper level. Religion’s influence extends beyond the quality of our relationships. It permeates every aspect of our lives, shaping our daily choices and behaviors. From the clothes we wear to the way we approach romantic relationships; our religious beliefs guide our actions and decisions. They provide a moral compass, helping us navigate the complexities of life. Moreover, religion offers a framework for understanding and navigating interpersonal relationships. The values and morals instilled in us during our formative years, often influenced by our religious upbringing, play a crucial role in shaping our interactions with others. As we grow and our brains develop, these values become an integral part of our identity, guiding our actions and shaping our relationships. “In a positive context, religiosity plays a supportive role in relationships, and has a positive effect on the stability and quality of the relationship, as well as on the physical and psychological well-being of the couple and other family members.” (Lakatos & Martos, 2019).

The study of online gaming communities by Teng in 2018 provides valuable insights into how new media influences identity construction and management, particularly within workplace and romantic relationships. Through the lens of social capital and self-perception theories, the research examines the loyalty of gamers to their online games. It suggests that the length, depth, and breadth of relationships between gamers and their games can significantly affect their loyalty (Teng, 2018). These relationship characteristics are found to increase relational switching costs and habitual gaming behaviors. In the context of workplace and romantic relationships, these findings imply that new media, such as social networking sites and apps, can shape identities by fostering a sense of commitment and routine interactions. Positive experiences and deep connections within these platforms can lead to a stronger attachment, making individuals less likely to switch to alternative platforms or relationships. This, in turn, influences how individuals manage their identities, as they become more consistent and habitual in their online presence and interactions, reflecting a stable and managed identity in both professional and personal spheres.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the way people are raised and what they are taught shapes the image of themselves, their tendencies as they grow up, and ultimately impacts their communication with others. Self-concept also plays a role in how we adjust our personality and communication styles according to our environments, settings, and situations. The front-stage and the back-stage of self shifts according to the demands of communication and to how confident people are in themselves and their abilities. However, faith and modernity also affect self-concept and dictate or moderate many behaviors and tendencies. All these concepts come together to create the multifaceted nature of interpersonal communication, tendencies, and behaviors.  This knowledge fosters mindfulness and highlights the need for patience, empathy, and understanding in such a fast-paced, complex world of constant demands. 

---

References

Cole, N. L., Ph.D. (2021). Goffman's Front Stage and Back Stage Behavior. Retrieved from: https://www.thoughtco.com/goffmans-front-stage-and-back-stage-behavior-4087971

Kerry B. (2024). Personhood, Personal Identity, and Christianity. Mere Liberty. Retrieved from: https://mereliberty.com/philosophy/personhood-personal-identity-christianity/

Lakatos, C., & Martos, T. (2019). The Role of Religiosity in Intimate Relationships. European Journal of Mental Health, 14(2), 260-279. https://doi.org/10.5708/EJMH.14.2019.2.3

Lewandowski, G. W., Nardone, N., & Raines, A. J. (2010). The Role of Self-concept Clarity in Relationship Quality. Self and Identity, 9(4), 416–433. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860903332191

MCCORNACK & STEVEN . (2022). Reflect & relate (6th ed.). Macmillan US.

Teng, C.-I. (2018). Managing gamer relationships to enhance online gamer loyalty: The perspectives of social capital theory and self-perception theory1. Computers in Human Behavior, 79, 59-67. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2017.10.024